IndyCar Grand Prix Preview: What’s New Edition

After an astonishingly absurd month long layoff – talk about a buzz kill – IndyCar finally stirs back to life at the world’s most awe inspiring racetrack. Too bad it’s not on the actual racing surface, or at least not much of it, but instead on the flat, pusillanimously pedestrian infield access roads. With each passing year, our contempt for this supposed “race” – exactly like our feelings for Mark Miles – continues to sink to new depths.

In the wake of such an interminable hiatus, it seems almost like a new season – and in some respects it is. For oval track racing enthusiasts such as ourselves – who’ve only waited nine months since the last oval race – the promise of a fresh oval season, however abbreviated, isn’t far off now with the glorious 500 up next. Still, when only a third of the series’ races – in a sport built on and by oval track racing, mind you – are on ovals, it’s cold comfort. This Tony George spawn of a slot filler typifies what an unprecedentedly lousy schedule the egg heads at 16th and Georgetown have been providing the last several years – and, in a relatively new twist, how they’re all about the money, not the racing.

Image from indycar.com

The “advanced frontal protection” pieces debuting on the cars are also something new starting with the race ’round IMS’ infield. That’s a fancy, techo-babble term for

IndyCar Classic Predictions and Prognostications: On the Road Again

Photo from cicuitoftheamericas.com

In its infinite wisdom, IndyCar visits yet another rampantly redundant road course this weekend – and it’s most definitely not music to our ears.

Turns out a wide array of musicians sing songs titled “On the Road Again,” including most famously Texas’ own Willie Nelson, Canned Heat, Barrabas and a group called Amphetamine Eaters to name but a few. And that’s not to mention derivative ditties like the Grateful Dead’s “Natural Born Easy (On the Road Again),” either. Our special prediction of the race deals specifically with the quick cars being on the road – again.

Image from countryfancast.com

Directly counter to the conventional view of every other single outlet and commentator in existence, Sunday’s show won’t be gripping viewing, but rather a rerun of the numerous other identical road races – like the very next one in Alabama. Lacking in excitement, speed and overtaking – also known as quality racing – COTA will amount to a high dollar, low interest parade around a three and a half mile f-ing F1 circuit. To us, such an ear splitting waste of horsepower strikes an extremely sour note.

Our pick for pole also may sound like a familiar tune,

IndyCar Classic Preview: A F-ing F1 F-You to Fans

The series’ first visit to Circuit of the Americas is an outright affront to fans of fast on the face of it, as bad as spoiled spawn of your social betters scandalously enjoying outrageously unfair advantages in college admissions – if not worse.

With a gratuitous twenty turns, the nearly three and a half mile road course called COTA was purpose built for Bernie’s money burning bunch back in 2012. IndyCar’s f-ing F1 invasion continues unabated in Texas, as evidenced by – among other things – this atrocious addition to the sickly, sorry schedule. Another rambling, redundant road course really isn’t what the series needs – or what discerning fans want. Turn happy circuits currently make up a full 70% of the slate, relegating IndyCar’s oval racing heritage to a level lower than Theresa May’s Brexit approval ratings.

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Making matters worse, this so-called “classic” at Austin’s answer to an anaconda

IndyCar’s F-ing F-1 Invasion, Part 3: McLaren Megalomania

Photos from dailymail.co.uk and sports.usatoday.com

With chatter about a back marker F1 team branching out into IndyCar reaching a fever pitch, it’s high time to set the record straight – by which we mean furthering our incisive take on the matter. Namely, F1’s increasing and undue influence over IndyCar – this ongoing invasion from across the pond – is pernicious and must be stopped.

It’s a subject we’ve been covering for some time now. For the first two installments of our series from 2016, see “IndyCar’s F-ing F1 Invasion, Part 1” and also “IndyCar’s F-ing F1 Invasion, Part 2.”

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Multiple teams are reportedly interested in pairing with the British based outfit including Rahal Lanigan Letterman Racing, but Andretti Autosport seems to be McLaren’s most likely landing spot.

The Why Of IRR, Or: The Answer To A Rather Impertinent Question

For the first time a fervent though flawed follower inspires IRR to provide even more real world racing answers.

IndyCar’s snoozer of a season finale at Sonoma had just concluded and our work – reviewing the regrettable race – had just begun. Having formulated a concept, we dutifully sent out the usual “coming soon” Tweet announcing our forthcoming Race Review, titled “Ho-hum Edition.” That’s when the impertinent reply from – let’s just call him “Deplorable Paganator” – arrived through the vagaries of cyberspace with a distinct thud. “Do you actually like IndyCar or not?”

In spite of the innate insolence, it is an interesting question. The answer’s a complicated one, but

2017 IndyCar Season Review

The series’ recently concluded campaign proved predictable – at least to us – and lacked both a sense of rhythm and any real rivalries. While having its moments, overall 2017 missed out on the excitement and drama of previous years.

This season’s highlights included breathtaking oval racing at Pocono and – to a lesser extent, thank you Tony Kanaan – Texas. Even the racing at Gateway was much improved over the last time they visited a decade ago and an additional oval on the schedule – no matter how inadequate its layout – is welcome change.

Photo from twitter.com

Lowlights involved beyond tedious racing at the usual suspects like Mid-Ohio, Watkins Glen and the season finale at Sonoma. Even St. Pete was a stinker this year and as usual the Indy Grand Prix was nearly unwatchable. Iowa‘s daytime race – as opposed to the superior night races of years past – earned the biggest flop award, with Phoenix a close second in the balloting. Iowa Speedway already announced a Sunday date in early July, meaning it’ll be another day race next year.

Easily the most absurd moment of the year was f-ing F1 invader Fernando Alonso being gifted the Indy 500 Rookie of the Year award over Ed Jones, or “The Great Hardware Robbery,” as we termed it. This was closely followed by Alo’s team owner Michael Andretti’s brief flirtation with Chevy after winning the last two 500s with Honda and Sam Schmidt beginning to mimic Andretti’s dumb Indy 500 decisions.

Photo from indycar.com

The most shocking moment by far

What’s Sam Schmidt Thinking? Or: IndyCar’s Scott Peterson Motorsports

Photo from sbnation.com

This time it’s a well-liked relative newcomer to IndyCar ownership instead of a loose cannon legacy owner who has us seriously wondering.

It was reported this week Schmidt Peterson Motorsports is teaming up with former F1 owner Didier Calmels to run fellow Frenchman Tristan Gommendy in next year’s Indy 500. Why is he a former F1 owner, you ask? Because when he was convicted of shooting his wife in cold blood in 1990 and sent to prison, the wiser F1 heads understood spousal homicide isn’t exactly a positive image for a racing series. That’s regardless of whether it was a crime of passion or not – and the fact that he somehow served less than two years for his heinous crime.

Photo from Getty Images

Nearly three decades later, apparently SPM hasn’t gotten the memo. Or perhaps they’re merely joining in our national obsession with ignoring history when not defacing it. The team’s statement read in part, “Didier has fulfilled his obligations and gone on to become a successful businessman and team owner in European motor sport.” Translation: he’s paid his debt to society and is a fine, upstanding citizen now who’s bringing us lots and lots of cash.

While the last part is certainly true, it’s the “fulfilled his obligations” bit with which we take exception.

IndyCar Watkins Glen Preview: Wit’s End Edition

With the season’s end in sight, there’s still plenty of IRR wittiness left in the tank.

Sadly, summertime’s over and with it – even more unfortunately – the rousing oval portion of IndyCar’s schedule. Two wine region, cheesy road courses remain, Watkins Glen in upstate New York and the Sonoma finale in California. In the Glen’s case, the most memorable parts of last year’s race were the ubiquitous paid Verizon plugs. Expect neither venue to excite nearly as much as Pocono or Texas regularly do, as the season slinks toward a less than satisfactory conclusion. It all has us feeling at wit’s end.

Josef “teammate terminator” Newgarden has the championship all but wrapped up thanks to Power and Helio’s witlessness at Gateway. There’s no end to his predictable success this season, taking three of the last four races and holding a 31 point championship lead. Making it worse, Team Penske’s won the last five in row. This marks the first time in many years the IndyCar finale probably won’t hold any title significance whatsoever, even with the gimmicky double points paid in the NoCal conclusion.

Similarly, the rookie of the year award has been settled for some time with only a single candidate and therefore no competition. The fact than Alonso was gifted the Indy 500 ROY remains a travesty, truly “The Great Hardware Robbery,” as we termed it. Ed Jones deserved the award finishing third to Fernando’s 24th, just as he deserves the season ROY. Lack of other contenders aside, Jones has been the most impressive newcomer to the series in recent memory. Thankfully a better ROY resolution’s in the offing.

Happily, the end of the awful aero kit era is also in sight. It’ll be good riddance to bad chassis soon, perhaps the most compelling reason to look forward to next season.

Indy 500 ROY: The Great Hardware Robbery

Photo from en.f1i.com

Fernando Alonso being awarded the 101st Indianapolis 500 Rookie of the Year honors over Ed Jones is the  biggest heist since Lufthansa. It shall henceforth be known as The Great Hardware Robbery.

The Dubai born Brit clearly deserved the award after turning in an impressive third place finish in Sunday’s wild ride of a race. Instead, the Spanish born international celebrity who led before retiring with a blown Honda in 24th somehow won the distinction. If you followed the month long Alo saga in the media, it shouldn’t come as a surprise.

Photo from indycar.com

The argument from some voters – more on them later – seems to be about Alonso’s engine failure, a story we’ve been on top of since the beginning. The trouble with that reasoning is that Ed Jones had the same motor, a Honda. Difference is, he not only finished, but also finished on the podium. This coming – remarkably – in his first ever Indy 500 and only sixth IndyCar race.

Image from twitter.com

Plus there’s

101st Indy 500 Practice One: Fly on the Wall

Early Speeds: Marco “practice warrior” Andretti was quickest in today’s first Indy 500 practice at over 226.3 mph, followed by Scott Dixon, Ed Carpenter, Sebastien Bourdais and Ryan Hunter-Reay. Note the two 500 winners in the group. However, the all important non-tow speeds where cars run by themselves saw Ganassi’s Tony Kanaan and Andretti’s Ryan Hunter-Reay both going over 223.5 mph with Scott Dixon topping 222 mph.

Fernando Flew: F-ing F1 driver Fernando Alonso flew in to Indy for practice after finishing twelfth at his home GP in Barcelona Sunday. He’d previously flown through rookie orientation May 5th in a private session. The Spaniard wasn’t exactly flying today at the track though, managing only nineteenth at just over 223 mph. Afterward he mentioned looking forward to “listen[ing]” to his teammates and that “the most difficult thing will be the race itself.” That, or all that flying.

Photo from lincolnshireecho.co.uk

Harvey Wallbanger: Rookie Englishman Jack Harvey suffered the only incident of the first day,